Saturday, November 5, 2016

Always love yourself first

 There was a point in my life I just wanted to stop living. I constantly put myself down, and I didn't felt like I was worth anything. How I turned this around? I kept myself busy by traveling, and getting into photography. I truly believe nobody can honestly help you except yourself. You have to dream, work hard, and more importantly, stop being negative. You must not drown in your own misery.

Enjoying the beautiful weather that day :)

 A woman once told me "Your mother planted a seed into this world, you shouldn't ruin your life because she wouldn't want that". That was back in 2006 after I got caught skipping in school, also it randomly ended up being my last day at that high school because I was moving to another city. Ha! I'm not really a good girl. Very far from the stereotypical goody two shoe Asian chick. I've made a shitload of ugly decisions in life. However I regret NOTHING. My bad decisions and having to learn from them made me stronger.

One day things will make sense, you'll eventually blossom

 I struggled a lot to fit in. Being a Filipino born from the Philippines, then suddenly moving to America is like landing from Earth to Mars. English wasn't my first language so I was made fun of for my accent or when I mess up trying to say something. I lived in a small city in Indiana where Asians weren't very common. I struggled to balance my life as an Asian at home, and being Western on the outside. I was raised to keep my emotions to myself. I was envious that White and Black kids can easily express how they felt or wanted.......I didn't knew how to do that. My mom eventually died when I was 10 . I had no choice but to live back in the Philippines after her death. I was miserable at school, and being under the care of my grandparents w/ my lazy, abusive uncle, plus the constant moving in and out the country - it finally took the toll on me. When I came back to the US in 2005, I moved to Florida for good. That's when I started to get involved with a lot of trouble. I skipped school, ignored my homework, getting involved w/ the wrong people, sneaking out of the apartment etc..... I wasn't just a teenager going through a phase. I was literally lost. I didn't know who I was, nor give a crap about my future. I  could barely even trust my own family except my sister and some relatives from my mom side that I rarely get to be around. Money was always a problem too. I never had enough pants, shirts, hell even underwear. 

Everyday is a new day. Make the most out of it

 After an ugly break up from an ex-boyfriend, and cutting off my now ex best friend in 2011. That's when things finally hit me........Do I really wanna continue this endless cycle of being around the wrong people, being broke, taken advantage of, and let people just step on me? I finally told myself: FUCK NO. Enough is enough. It took YEARS to be where the hell I am today. If I didn't turn my life around I'd probably end up being a drug addict, possibly turn to far worse things.

I am a fucking QUEEN!

MORAL LESSON: NEVER GIVE UP and make that damn money. I came from a poor neighborhood in a 3rd World Country, to a smart, leading lady living her life.