Monday, May 7, 2018

Life at 30, and why I've been gone for too long

Well I'm finally at 30. Wow. Honestly, it doesn't feel any different than last year, except I have more bills and chugging a ton of green tea to keep me awake. I'm coming to terms that I'm getting old. I'm happy of the wrinkles under my eyes, the white hairs growing on my head, and where my life is. I honestly never thought I'd make it this far since I've wasted my entire life putting myself down and fighting off suicidal thoughts. I'm proud to be the woman I am today. When I was 11 years old, my lunch money was 5 Philippine Pesos (10 Cents), and I had to walk to school under the sun - there were times I even fainted but I fought hard to be in school. Sometimes me and my sister didn't know if we were gonna be lucky to have something to eat since my dad also lost his job in the United States around the time my mom died. Now, I can eat and buy whatever I want. This has been a journey that I have no regrets.
I have nothing to lose. Except a bit of belly fat!

I gave myself a long hiatus because I have been sick. If you want to know the truth, it's most likely related to cancer. Abnormal cells have been found inside me. For weeks, I've been extremely fatigued. I have trouble breathing, walking, intense pelvic pain, and weird irregular periods. Constantly in and out of the hospital, It's that bad. I was also upset that due to my condition, I wasn't able to do certain things like going to the gym to jog, or carry heavy things. The pelvic pain I felt was the hard part. I'm not able to sit properly or even stand up for too long without having to feel completely uncomfortable. Right now I still have these symptoms except it has lessened for a bit since I've been cutting off more sugar on my diet, and only consuming anything that's organic/Non-GMO. Thank God I live near Whole Foods!

I wanna be as chill as this beautiful duck

Before my whole medical issues got in the way, I already made huge plans within the next couple of months; I only needed a few semesters left and I'll be able to graduate college while continuously blog about stuff, and move in with my boyfriend. If things didn't get better, I'd move back to Philippines for a couple of months since the cost of living (food, transportation, housing) plus the medication I need wouldn't be so expensive; then when I get better, I'll go back to the US. I'm crossing my fingers right now that my condition continues to stabilize so I don't have to leave.

I just realize the dolfin's fin photobombed this pic

Besides my health, I have many products to review! I've gotten 10+ items that I haven't used yet. I truly apologize to my followers - I couldn't keep up with the pace, but at least you know the real reason why I've been gone for so long. I have Korean and American products to review including 2 new eyeshadow palettes which I'm very excited to try! I also missed blogging so much. It really sucks being sick! 😓 

Everything will eventually fall into place 

Due to my situation, I also left this Spring semester from college. Walking around carrying my backpack from building to building was really hard on me. I was also lacking sleep due to stress and worrying about my situation while juggling homework and exams. Not a good combo. I'm glad I have people who support me, including my boyfriend - all have told me to put my education on hiatus until I get better. 

I seriously need to stop constantly worrying so much! 
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